A Dutch dilemma: ‘u’ or ‘jij’

When you approach an elderly person you should say ‘u’ and when you talk to anyone that is under twenty-five you say ‘je’ or ‘jij’. At least that is how my father taught me, but he is ‘van de oude stempel’ (Dutch proverb for being a bit conservative).

It seemed like a simple rule to me when I grew up but now that I am an adult myself it just doesn’t seem so simple anymore. When I do my best to be polite and say ‘u’ people often seem offended because it makes them feel so old. They sometimes react as if I am actually telling them that I think they are much older than I am. And often they are but they still feel young. At the same time others consider it very bold if you say ‘je’ or ‘jij’ to them.

The other day, I went to see the dentist. He has been my dentist for ten years now. He is a few years younger than me. But we were always saying ‘je’ to each other. At this last appointment he suddenly asked me ‘Hoe gaat het met u?’ (‘How are you?’) en ‘Heeft u nog kiespijn?’ (Are you still having a tooth ache?’). I was in shock. The last time I saw him was six months before and he didn’t say ‘u’ then. For some reason I turned into ‘u’ in these last couple of months. I probably looked young, dynamic and informal back then but not anymore? I went straight to the gym after the dentist appointment. Let’s hope it was a one time mistake.

In English it is simple. When you talk to an elderly you say ‘you’ and when you talk to an infant you say ‘you’ as well. In Dutch it is a little bit more tricky than that. That is why I will recommend you to stick to my guideline. Do as my father use to say, say ‘u’ to everybody over twenty-five. In this case it’s a good thing that the Dutch are so direct: they will tell you immediately if they prefer to be approached with ‘je’ or ‘jij’. It is always the oldest or most important one -for example your boss- who can take the initiative of telling you that you can say ‘je’ or ‘jij’.  But be sure to remember their preference because if you insist to call them ‘u’, when in fact they asked you to say ‘je’, it definitely won’t be good for your new relationship.

In general I suggest you use ‘u’ for strangers and ‘je’ or ‘jij’ for friends. Although sometimes it is convenient to keep on calling people ‘u’ although they have asked you not to. If you don’t like someone it creates a certain distance.

Please tell us how the ‘u’/ ‘jij’ situation is in your language or tell us your experiences with this Dutch dilemma. You can leave your comments below or visit our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/prolingua.nl and leave your comments there.

Almost everybody who loves soccer knows Johan Cruijff. He was one of the best soccer players of the world in his time. Actually, when you’re Dutch you know all about Johan Cruijff even if you don’t like soccer. In the Netherlands he is not only famous because of his fabulous footwork or his speed; every Dutch adult knows Johan Cruijff as well because of his original approach of the Dutch language.

So, are you afraid of using the wrong Dutch words? Stop worrying because Johan is one of our most famous citizens and he makes loads of mistakes. Moreover, the Dutch love his mistakes. You can even buy several books about them. Not because we are looking down on him but because he found a new way of approaching our language. He has been called a taalvirtuoos (language virtuoso) en een taalvernieuwer (language innovator) by Dutch intellectuals. We even have a name for his language. It is called Cruijffiaans.

Cruijffiaans consists mainly of paradoxes that are grammatically wrong and illogical but seem right when said by Johan Cruijff. Let me give you a few examples:

- ‘Elk voordeel heb z’n nadeel’ (= Every advantage has its disadvantage (and mind you, he actually says ‘have’) – ‘Mensen moeten harder gaan rijden, dan zijn ze sneller van de weg, dus zijn er minder files.’ (= People should drive faster, than they will be off the road more quickly, so there will be less traffic jams.) – ‘Je gaat het pas zien, als je het door hebt.’ (= You can only see it, when you get it) – ‘Bergkamp speelde ver onder nul.’ (= Bergkamp –name of a Dutch soccer player- played far below zero)

Why should you feel like a failure when you make a mistake when Johan seems proud of his mistakes? Of course we laugh about his mistakes, but we don’t really make fun of him. A lot of Dutchies are actually using many of his proverbs in their day-to-day language. So do as Johan Cruijff does, don’t be afraid of your mistakes; see them as an enrichment of our language. Or as Cruijff himself would say:

- ‘Voordat ik een fout maak, maak ik die fout niet.’ (Before I make a mistake, I don’t make that mistake)